I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
