i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Houston, we have a blender
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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