moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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