U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
