i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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