What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
