is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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