You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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