so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
