why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
