Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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