so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You left your phone here
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