i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
