I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
