I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
