You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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