just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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