im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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