I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
