There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
