so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
