DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
