I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize