Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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