please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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