The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
