im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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