Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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