I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
