this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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