Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
