the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
