just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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