the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
