im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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