Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
