why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
