o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
