You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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