is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i came on her dog
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
