i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
