unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
