Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
