She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
