There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
