I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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