please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
