I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Randomize
