PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
