I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
